Food Stuff.

Long run last night was really good. I was panicking slightly about not having been for a couple of weeks, but after I warmed up, I felt really good and could've kept going afterwards. Cheered me up immensely. Have dropped about half a kg since my recent record gain, so things are moving back the way they should. Who would've thought that a tube of pringles equated to about 2kgs of extra weight. I think my body is just uber sensitive to bad food these days. Works in reverse too, because when I set my mind to it, I lose weight fairly quickly for the first little while.

To answer the pringles question, I never usually buy junk food because if it's there, eventually I'll eat it. This time round though, my well meaning mother bought them. Logically, you would think, after dropping 50kgs, I would have enough will power to be able to dance around dressed in bloody pringles and not eat them, but it seems not! I believe that my problems with food completely stem from the relationships my family had with food as a child, but I won't bore you with the details of that! It's a familiar story.

The biggest part of losing the weight was changing my comfort eating tendencies and these days I know that while I might lose a battle or two, I'm winning the war. I hate how irrational binge eating seems, how lazy and weak to not be able to just stop eating when full. To someone who has never had any sort of eating disorder, it must seem strange. I know exactly why I over eat - it's a reaction to factors like stress, emotion and boredom... I've been analysed enough, had enough therapy over this very issue to know exactly why I do it and what I should do to stop myself, but from time to time, it still happens. If anything, when I try and lose a bit more weight like recently, I'm more vunerable to those moments. It's not that I feel particularly guilty once I've over eaten - more annoyed with myself. I think half the battle is just forgiving yourself and starting again. Which I do quite easily these days *L*

It's just such a horrible place to go back to, even fleetingly. Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to not have to be so incredibly strict about food. Not to have to weigh myself almost daily to keep my weight under control. But at the same time, that's a very small price to pay. I'll do it gladly, if it means I'll never weigh 126kgs again. Blah.

And to end on a good running related note, I'm going to the gym tonight and aim to do 10km. I'll write about the adventure race the lovely Skizzik and I may be doing in the next entry!