I'm still alive. Obviously.
I will try to restrict this entry to running related stuff. Of which there is little, since I literally haven't done any exercise since my last post.
I am currently still waging war with my bloody orthotics and that is still just in the day to day scheme of things. I have blisters all over my feet as I try them in various different shoes. Shoes which were once comfortable without orthotics become unbearable with. I am rubbing parts of my feet raw. In sheer desperation, today I went into the city and spent $180.00 on a pair of work shoes that will hopefully do the trick. We shall see. I have had the orthotics reviewed and reshaped, but it is a long and painful process. My foot feels no better, so in the long term, it looks like I may well be facing surgery.
I am also still rather unwell. I am currently going up and down every two weeks or so, feeling better then worse, then better, then worse. It sucks. A lot. I rattle when I walk from the amount of medication I am currently taking. It's all rather a big change for someone who not so long ago, rarely took so much as a panadol.
My lovely friend Em is running with the club now and loving it. I am hearing news via the grapevine and missing it all rather a lot. If I can muster the motivation, I am going to try to go to tuesday track sessions and just use the time to walk around the outside of the field, until/if I can start to jog gently.
Unfortunately, my injury, combined with my illness, the side effects of the medication and my resurfaced eating disorder means that I am currently back at 105kgs and a size 20. I am secretly terrified of seeing the wider running cohort because I am so embarrassed by regaining all the weight. I know (I hope!) that no one is going to judge me for it but it is mortifying.
I'd completely forgotten how awful people can be when you're fat - a few weeks ago I had to try to find an evening dress for a work function. I finally found something I liked and the woman in the shop literally sneered at me and asked incredulously if I was shopping for myself. She then told me they didn't have my size and that they only went to a sixteen. It is pretty mortifying to be treated like that. Needless to say, I didn't buy anything to wear.
So yeah. It's all fun here. But I'm not ready to give up on running just yet. I am right back here at square one, but one day, I'd really like to be able to run again, just a little. I'm going to continue to try to get back to running, anyway.
