Hallo :)
So, I just posted a reintroduction on CR and now I am back blogging, too.
I'm currently still in hospital after a week, but am due to be discharged on saturday. I think I have finally decided that running is a healthier obsession than some of my other problematic sorts, so I am going to make a concerted effort to at least get back to doing SOME exercise.
One of my major hurdles is going to be facing people wearing a singlet.
Why?
Firstly, because I have put on so much weight (I got back up to 120kg, now back down to about 98kg - when people knew me as a 'runner' I hovered between 79-85kg). So I have a fair way to go with that. Not to mention that I have the added problem of an eating disorder, which makes weight loss particularly triggering.
Secondly, (and this is infinitely more difficult to talk about) since I have been sick, I've had a very major battle on my hands with self harm. When I say self harm, I specifically mean that I have damaged and disfigured my own body. It means that my arms, shoulders and wrists are now literally covered in very big, very obvious scars. I do look rather like a patchwork quilt.
Self harm is a scary, scary thing, horribly difficult to conquer and seems abhorrent to so many people - it's shocking to see the results on another person and I can understand that - but it's really hard to face the question 'what happened to your arms?' all the time when you're trying to move on with your life. I'm sick of telling people I got mauled by a tiger ;)
So anyway. I have a few biiiigggg problems to tackle in my attempt at coming back to running. I have nooo fitness whatsoever. None. I have to motivate myself to start the horrific initial stage of walk-run-walk-run-collapse-crawl-and-repeat that I remember all too well from the first time I learnt to run. I know it's worth it in the end, but it's going to be even less fun with an extra 20kgs on me!
I hope you're all well (if anyone is still reading this, of course!)
I shall report back next week, with a plan and some small goals.
Ciao!
The Story So Far,,,
- Hannah
- Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
- I'm 28, Visual Artist living in Brisbane, Australia. Found my love of all things endorphin related two years ago while losing weight. Started running Christmas 2004. Currently injured with chronic bursitis in my right foot but seeking a comeback!
7 comments:
Hannah, wonderful to have you back! So often, when I look through the list of blogs I've wondered what's been happening. Don't go away again! Stay with us...you've been missed!
Hi Hannah,
Just wanted to suggest that long sleeved skins are very trendy amongst the running fraternity these days! If you got yourself a set then your scars would be covered over but because they're such popular running get-up, you wouldn't look at all out of place, like you might in a long sleeved t-shirt.
I hope I don't sound too superficial for posting that suggestion... but I just figured if it would help you get back out there without needing to worry about answering questions, then it could be a useful.
Yay to running, and good on you for being so strong and working so hard to get well again.
(From Runrunrun23 from the CR site, posting this as anonymous just coz I don't have a blog account)
Welcome back.
I found lots of walking a very good introduction to getting back to fitness. I did it for six month before I even attempted to run. I got up to an hour a day before I started running.
Good Luck and keep the blog updates coming.
Hi lovely.
Just wanted to repeat what I said in the CR thread. If you want some company let me know. I have at least 20kgs to lose too so we can wobble along together.
Hi gorgeous
I was thinking of you only yesterday - I was *trying* to do a new blog header. My blog still has the header you did for me years ago!
I'm so excited / happy / glad to see that you have made the decision to start putting one foot in front of the other.
Your post here & on CR was incredibly gutsy. You are one tough chick - never forget that.
And when times are tough, think of your fav quote on your blog :-)
Love
Jen xx
Hannah, welcome back!
The great thing about getting back into running is that you do already know what you can do and so nothing is unachievable.
I look forward to seeing your progress and goals. Well done on facing your illness head on, as you have seen from here and CR there is a support network that you can reach out to as your journey continues.
Hiya Hannah,
I'm still here matey. Yep all your running friends know life is tough for you so dont' worry about what people think. Skins /long top is a good idea but thats necessary at the mo anyhow with the freezing weather. After that no doubt you will be back in shirts/singlets. Say its a tattoo gone wrong or you woke up like that after a night on the town ha ha anything...its your choice what you tell people.
My nephew is a cutter and we use his habit to tell when he is in a bad place and needs help - obviously that is what he does it for. I've never been there done that but i understand the emotions and the preceding events that can trigger. Yep you certainly have a long road ahead of you..but its not an empty road. We are all here and you have family too that love you. Letting the world know on your blog/facebook etc is a start because it shows you want people to understand and to realise what you have/are going through
anyhow, hope to see you out there on the road. Best get moving now so by Dec/Jan when its singlet time those kilos will be minimal..then again we all feel crap in summer not matter how fast we run or how much we weigh!!!
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