Hello Team. Not sure if anyone actually reads this blog anymore, but I felt some compulsion (after four months!) to update a little bit.
So, what's been going on?
I've been in and out of hospital. I had a course of ECT (electro convulsive therapy) to try to treat my severe depression and various other joyful things, only it REALLY didn't agree with me and now I have amnesia. I literally cannot remember the last eight weeks and half a ton of stuff beyond that. I actually forgot that my sister has three kids, couldn't remember my home phone number or how to get from home to work. It is soooo frustrating, I cannot express exactly what it's like.
My mother keeps telling me all about things we did during the eight weeks I was in during ECT and I have no recollection. I feel like someone stole my body.
Add to which, they let me out too quickly afterwards, stupidly I went back to work the day after being released (stress from funding cuts being the main motivator with that) and predictably, I had another melt down.
Currently I'm out on day release for the weekend, and have to go back on sunday arvo, but I think I've been back in for a month now.
I can't quite figure out what the bloody hell happened to my life. It just sort of exploded on me!
Obviously, I've done no exercise in MONTHS. My weight is up to 100kg again (joy...) though I have lost six kg due to crap hospital food. Despite all the physical rest, my foot STILL bloody hurts.
Blah.
Anyway, I'm still kicking (with one foot, anyway) and I hope things are going better for all of you! I am doubting whether I'll ever be able to run again at this point :(
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17 comments:
Hannah I know there are people still reading. I'm one of them! Sounds like you are going through hell lovely lady.
I know some people who've had amazing recoveries due to ECT and others whom it's done very little. I know it's the "last best hope" for severe depression that isn't relieved by other treatments so I understand that you must have been feeling pretty desperate before the treatment.
I'm really sorry to hear that you have had memory loss. It must be really disturbing not to have any recollection of your sister's kids!
My mum had memory loss with ECT and has since regained most of the memories with the exception of parts of the period of treatment. I hope that this is the case for you too.
Winston Churchill once said "if you are going through hell, keep going". I guess this may have been in reference to his "black dog". It must be hard to maintain hope at times like this but remember that others have been in the pits of despair and come out the other side.
Take very great care of yourself lovely. Email me - I've got a book I'd love to send you lornaowl@gmail.com
Hi lovey
Yes, we're still reading and thinking of you.
I'm sorry to hear you've been through such a horrific time but I can only say that you WILL get through this and things will be better again.
There is a lot of love for you out here if that helps at all.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HANNAH}}}}}}}}}}
I'm still reading too :-)
Thinking about you and looking forward to catching up soon. I believe Clairie has emailed you re a coffee get together. Should be fun!
Take care mate. Really looking forward to seeing you soon.
Yep, I'm still here too! And I'm really pleased to hear that you still are too!
Not much I can say I know; but you have been in my thoughts. You will find your feet again one day. As Lorna (and Winston) said, "keeping going"
Love & hugs
Jen xxxxxxxxxxx
for me life is like long ultra. Sometimes I am just destroyed, my body is smashed and my mind is spent. i lay there on the ground and just think I can not go on. But somehow you get up and take another step. Just one step at a time and at some point life feels good again.
Hi Hannah,
I am here as well and very happy to hear from you. I am sure you will come out the other side.
cheers PLu
It must be difficult being so open about your circumstances. Please continue to keep us posted on your progress.
Don't give up hope of not running ever again. Take care.
I'm still here too and so sorry to hear about your experiences. I think of you often and don't give up hope... I'm looking forward to running with you one day.
Just spoke to Wobbly Man tonight and he wanted me to let you know that he's forgotten his login so hasn't been able to comment but is thinking of you and sending you his best wishes. Should I tell him your blog does allow anonymous comments?
Hey Hannah, (Vegie Girl here - forgotten my login).
I can't begin to imagine what you've been going through.
Remember your friends are with you in good times and bad, so don't be afraid to connect.
If you'd like a visit from a friendly face (either in or out of hospital) let me know and I'll happily be there.
Be kind to yourself.
still reading!
dont try too much too soon.
especially work :)
get well.
things will get better.
You are never alone Hannah. I've learnt the hard way that life can be a struggle at times but you have friends to lean on. Make use of them.
I can't imagine how horrible your last few months have been. It seems bad shit happens to the BEST people, because you're one of the coolest runners I ever met (and runners are a pretty cool group to start with).
Rest assured that your CR buddies have not forgotten you - we all love you Hannah, and we're worried about you - and we KNOW you'll run again.
Email me if you want to go for a bike ride or a swim sometime.
Still here. Thinking of you often. So sorry to hear that things have been rough. I like the Churchill quote. That sounds like good advice. Good luck!
Steve
Hi Hannah.
Davo here.
Sending you supportive and positive vibes from Tasmania.
Hang in there my friend. We're all on your side!
Hi matey
We're all still thinking of you.
If you're not quite ready to meet up then please keep in touch however you feel comfortable.
Love you much!
Y
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